"Man is condemned to be free," Sartre said. Every day, we are forced to choose. We are enslaved by the freedom to choose. As naturally as breathing, today I process the footage again. Is this work? Pleasure? Escape? Or merely an extension of the revelation God granted me? No one knows. Not even I. Reason and erection stem from the same brain. Then who can blame this restless turmoil inside me? What I see is a perfect body. Methodical procedures, actions without hesitation, a woman's silence that cannot resist. My uncle's aesthetic sense has already reached the level of art. I used to hate it. But before I realized, I began to revere it. Contempt is just the flip side of admiration—and this is exactly that. The very footage from that man I once thought "the worst" now makes my entire body react. As if my body forgave him before my soul did. 'Righteousness' died within me long ago. "Lying is wrong," my father once told me—and his voice still echoes in my ears. But Dad, it's not money I desire. I want to *see*. I want to see *non-consensual footage*, right before my eyes. With everything I've got. If that's a sin, then I've already been punished. Every night, alone. By entering this industry, my reputation has crumbled like a sandcastle. If the public ever found out, spray-painted "die" would mark my door, cashiers at convenience stores would avert their eyes, and my dating app notifications would fall silent forever. Yet still, today, I upload. Not just footage—my soul. This act has become a ritual of self-destruction, an offering for rebirth. The women were astonishingly flawless. The curve of their backs, the angle of their legs, the contours of their faces. I stare intently as they break apart. And I gasp. Beauty resides precisely in destruction. My uncle knows this. Why do people get aroused by such videos? No—rather, who decided we *shouldn't* be aroused? The law? Ethics? Or 'common sense'? "Common sense is nothing but the collection of prejudices accumulated by age eighteen," Einstein also said. Today, too, I drown in an ocean of prejudice, delivering to you this 'ethically lowest, sexually highest footage'. So please—don't spread it too widely. But at the same time, I want you to watch it more than anyone else. This contradiction *is* my honesty.