A woman's confessional account of her lifelong struggle with intense masochistic desires she could never suppress. Since childhood, she has immersed herself in perverse fantasies, repeatedly engaging in self-abusive masturbation as a means of self-comfort. Her story vividly portrays the daily battle against overwhelming urges and profound loneliness. Filled with poignant episodes that reveal a strangely touching allure amid her self-destructive impulses, this narrative overflows with honest, raw emotion that deeply resonates with readers.