October ○th, rainy. My mood feels cloudy, too. Finally, this day has arrived... How did I end up here? Lately, both work and my personal life have felt unsatisfying, and I've been craving something that would shake me to the core. It's my second year at this job, and I've been feeling increasingly unsure about my purpose. A senior coworker once told me, "A woman's role in the office is to make things more vibrant," but I don't find that particularly fulfilling. My relationships with colleagues have gradually grown distant, and my relationship with my boyfriend, though it's been eight months—my second-longest romance—has started to feel dull. He's kind and considerate, and he supported me when I felt anxious about starting at a new workplace. Maybe that's why I forced myself to fall for him. But he lacks masculinity—there's no assertiveness or possessiveness at all. Lately, I've started feeling unfulfilled. I don't want to break up, but something just feels off. These emotions built up until I went out drinking with my best friend. On the way home, a strange scout approached me. I started chatting casually, and before I knew it, they were offering me a chance to appear in an AV. Looking back, I can't help but laugh at how I ended up here. But I don't hate sex, and as long as my boyfriend never finds out, it should be fine. He doesn't seem interested in AVs, so it'll probably be okay. I'm so nervous I feel like I might explode. I haven't been this nervous since the first time I showed my naked body to my boyfriend. There's still time, yet I'm so restless I'm writing this diary entry to calm down. Even guys who've never had sex before have told me, "Your breasts are so soft and feel amazing," or "I want you to keep touching them forever." I've heard they don't make performers do anything too extreme, so it should be safe. Deep breath. Time to get started. —Excerpt from Lisa Koishima's diary (used without permission)