I caught a cold and am bedridden. Maybe it was because yesterday I drank vodka while doing a Zaku-like pose with a Russian prostitute—when I woke up, I had a terrible headache and felt feverish. When I tried to prepare breakfast, I had a massive bowel movement. When attempting to grope someone, the headache made me crash flat into the ground, and my body feels so weak I can't do anything. My temperature is 38 degrees—I've decided to stay completely at rest all day. I have no appetite, and the only thing I can swallow is pork that's turned green. Due to the fever, I'm hallucinating the president who fell in love with Michael Moore dancing an itchy, awkward dance on the ceiling, which is extremely unpleasant. I can't even muster the strength to block search interference. So today has been a day of extreme exhaustion, feeling like I might cough up blood. I hope I start recovering by tomorrow. The end.