I don't hate my husband as a person, and I think our relationship is good. But sex has always been painful for me, no matter what. Ever since I was young, I've secretly watched intense BDSM videos and gotten excited. Watching them made my body tremble with arousal, and I started craving to experience it myself. This desire existed long before I met my husband. However, I never had the courage to step into that world, so I pretended to be normal, dated him, and got married. I was interested, but never found the opportunity—so I convinced myself I'd just continue having ordinary sex with my husband. At first, that was actually fine. But gradually, seeing him try so hard to pleasure me only made me more turned off. I kept thinking I had to pretend to enjoy it, to fake pleasure because he was trying, and over time, I fell into a cycle of self-loathing for feeling this pain. I started masturbating more often when I was alone, and to be honest, I couldn't take it anymore. The way I kept rejecting my husband, and how he never complained even after being rejected... That's why today, I'm begging you—please take me so intensely, so violently, that I can't think of anything else.